Friday, March 9, 2007

Chapter 1, Part Ai

"Well?" Fletcher Gereld asked again. He was a tall, skinny man, at the least six-two, with shoulders that curved inwards and a neck that, besides looking to long, bowed, like a vultures. He was dressed in a brown three piece suit that looked like something his grandfather had been buried in. His overcoat was an equally pathetic example of men's clothing. A stiff, cold wind knifed down into the alley, tugging at the gray hair that protruded wildly out from under the only decent article of clothing he had on: a new, leather, carrimac ivy cap.

"Stupid Boy Scouts," Isabele murmured as she brought out a palm sized, plastic wrapped package and began fumbling at the contents. She managed to extract one of the deathly little white cylinders, badly bent and twisted, the lethal end smashed almost flat, and placed it between her lips as she began searching for a means of satisfying the craving beast within her.

"Those things will kill you, you know," Felicity stated with a sardonic smile. She was five-four, a hundred and twenty-five pounds, and dressed to the nines in a smart red, woolen skirt with matching tailor-made jacket, tied precisely with a two inch black patent leather belt. Ankle high boots, that matched the belt, with fur trimmed throats and two inch heels, kept her small feet warm, as black and red checkered leggings disappeared under an at-the-knee hem. The outer edges of the ruffled collar and cuffs of her white blouse, protruding out from under her jacket, fluttered sporadically in the icy breeze.

"You deal with stress in your own fashion.
"Stupid lighter" Isabele groused absentmindedly as she threw her cigarette away disgustedly. Then as if she suddenly realized what had been said to her she turned crossly on the young girl with the flaming red hair, tied in twin French braids down her back. "You're more likely to be run over crossin' the street than I am to die of cancer!" And she ground the heels of her hands into her eyes, exacerbating the insomnia bruises, before she began to vigorously scrub her scalp, pulling her hair loose from the messy knot. Turning her face into the breeze she combed her hair with her fingers, the gray developing at her temples shot contrasting color through the long blue-black mane that snapped in the wind. Quickly she pulled it into another messy topknot at the back of the crown of her head.

"Forget to pay the power again, Izzy?" Calvin asked as he approached the three, looking Isabele up and down, taking in the yellow sneakers, the blue running pants with the white stripe down the side, the cream "I-Love-Anywhere-But-Here" sweater with the dripping green print, and the oversized duck-cloth carpenters jacket.
"Haha," Isabele sneered as she took the steaming Styrofoam cup of Ain't Got Time for Sleep brand, jumbo sized coffee out of Calvin's hand and began drinking.

She turned back towards Gereld, who's brown eyes were flicking over the entire alley, squinting in the waxing morning light, contemplatively adding up the "evidence" in his head. He was sixty-something, or so the rest of the group thought, there was an ongoing pool back at the house, looked well past retirement, but was still the cheifs favorite. Something about a photographic memory. He had turned down so many advancements that the city had finally stopped offering them. He like being in the field, something about how a desk "affects the human physiology" or something like that. Everybody had stopped trying to figure it out.

"Calvin?" Gereld asked without looking at the dapper young man.

"Dispatch received a call," Calvin began as he shoved his hands down into the pockets of his charcoal wool overcoat. It still smelled of the store. "At three-thirty that there was quote 'man a crazy load of fightin' man'. The caller refused to provide I.D. and hung up. Dispatch traced it to the phone booth down the block," he motioned with his head, up the alley and over. "Forensics is dusting it. Local patrol was sent here and when they finally got here, at four-fifteen, they found this" pulling his gloved hands out he spread them wide, palms up, thumbs out, taking in the entire scene. "Patrol is canvassing. So far, their not turning up any information. You could bring the Third I.D. and the Seventh Cav. down here and let them light each other up and no one would notice. Except some local indigent, like what seems to be the case here."

"Is that your initial thought?" Gereld asked somberly, his smooth face not betraying any expression. "That the Third I.D. and the Seventh Cav. decided to have a turf war in the middle of the industrial sector?"

Calvin just smiled, warmly, and adjusted his wire rimmed glasses.

"Isabele. Do you still think that this is the work of Boy scouts?" he asked as he crouched down, peering under a dumpster.

Isabele mumbled something unintelligible.

"Felicity? Do you have any thoughts about this?"

Both Calvin and Isabele sniggered under their collective breath.

"To early to tell, Mr. Gereld." Felicity shot the two a dungeoness look. "Of the evidence, there is absolutely no shortage. The crime scene is positively enormous; starting down there, " she turned at the hips and pointed with a delicate, black leather gloved hand at the yellow police tape at the mouth of the alley, "and ending there," she pivoted and pointed at the dead-end wall, some ten or twelve feet high. "Forensics is going to love this one, positively."

"If a crime was even committed" Isabele slurped "her" coffee.

"Ah," Fletcher Gereld smiled smally.

The others turned in the direction that their leader was facing, just in time to watch the sun crown the small Five and Dime store across the street from the alley, its rays shooting down into the alley like wild colts chasing butterflies on the high mountain slopes.

Fletcher Gereld stood a little straighter, gaining a little more altitude over his subordinates, his posture just as awful as ever. Calvin squared his shoulders and set his jaw. Isabele closed her eyes, exhaled deeply, and sort of slumped while still standing. Felicity bunched her shoulders and shivered, pulled the collar on her jacket up and buckled the patent leather clasp.

"Isabele. You and Felicity get a patrol and go around to the other side of this wall. Calvin. . ."

"Done," Calvin finished and began walking down the alley.
{[(As you will notice, only one charcter has a last name. That's because he's the only character that had names suggested for him that actually worked as a last name. Need last names for the three additional charcters. What are the facts? Where might the facts lead? Is there anything on the other side of the wall? If so: what? Will forensics turn up anything at the phone booth? If so: what? Will the canvass reveal anything? If so: what? Where do we go next? Read the new element added to the page)]}

8 comments:

Rebecca said...

Felicity Van Hollen (and by they way, her taste in clothes is nasty... :-) I'm seeing her as sort of a debutante, went to Harvard because daddy paid... a little stuck up. no one else takes her seriously. Did you see legally blond?
Calvin Harper- I think I like him. Is he the geek squad, computer whiz?
Isabele Smith her first name is so fancy, I think she should have a plain jane last name... it might sort of be a little bit of a hint to her character. she's a mixture of two different personalities

is there anything on the other side of the wall I dont' think so... a huge empty nothing... like Utah or Nevada or wherever it was when they experimented with the atom bomb. It's a huge blank space in the middle of the metropolis. No on knows why there's nothing there. But, there never has been anything there.

btw. I think it should be present day in a fictional city. I'll have to think about a name.

will forensics turn up anything at the phone booth? yes, the fingerprints of a man who died 15 years earlier...

sorry, that's all I got...

Katie said...

No, I haven't forgotten about you. Just haven't had a chance to reply to everything.

I LOVE Rebecca's name ideas.
Should Isabele be spelled with 2 l's? I'm thinking leave it with one, it can be part of her personality. You know, like Anne with and "e". :)

And WHAT is up with Felicity's clothes! I wouldn't be caught in that outfit, and I don't have much fashion sense. I get what you were trying to say, but it didn't work.

I'll be back with more ideas later....

An Old Fashioned Girl said...

Hi, I don't have time right now but I just wanted to say haven't forgottten you're here!! I will post soon!
Lydia

Mac said...

HI! It's me!!! Here's my 2 cents :)

Names-
I am good with all the names Becca suggested!

The facts-
If I got them right....
1. There was a "fight" not necessarily gun fire but "a crazy load of fightin'" I would look around for possible witnesses, who may have heard gunfire or saw something.
2. There are bullet shells all over the ground. "small handfuls of five or six or eight in a starburst pattern three feet in diameter. " I don't quite follow this is.... Is it a strange pattern? Is this a clue or not? I would figure out what kind of bullet shells they are. The kind of gun or guns can tell us alot about the the person or persons involved.
3. "And that was it. No bullet impacts anywhere. No twisted led from a ricochet. No sign of any injury." This is very interesting....I don't quite know what to think of this yet.
4. Someone called the police, we don't know who or why. That person would not give their ID. This person could be very helpful, if they could only be found.
And that is all the facts I can see :D

Is there anything on the other side of the wall?
Yes I think there should be... I don't quite know what... not anything to shocking, just more questions...

Will forensics turn up anything on the phone booth?
Well I don't really like the man dying 15 years earlier thing... I think either there is nothing, or the person who's fingerprints are on the phone has suddenly disappeared.

I like how the characters are developing! I think you should wait to make the reader really like Felicity. Let her prove herself.

So there it is my 2 cents!
A penny for your thoughts!

Mac :)

P.S. Ms. Felicity's clothing is what I would call not tasteful and weird.:D

An Old Fashioned Girl said...

Maybe F. should be undercover or something. I mean, she's NOT really like that. She's new to the agency. No one knows much about her and mostly, they look at her clothes, and asume she hasn't got a brain. Well, she does, a good one too, and you never know what's going on inside it...

0.02

L.

Katie said...

I had one thought the other day, I believe I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep and it hit me. :)

Would you see bullet impact with they hit a brick wall. I mean, brick is brick, it's not easily destructable....

Just a thought...

Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"There are bullet shells all over the ground.Small handfuls of five or six or eight in a starburst pattern three feet in diameter."
(whatever that means)

They need to get a list of all the stores in the area that sell this kind of bullet. They should go to each one of the stores and ask the sales clerk if anybody has bought bullets like these recently. If so, What did the person look like? About how much did they spend? Did they possibly pay with a credit card? If so, can they trace the credit card to a owner's name?

Sorry, I know this is a bit scraggled and out of order :( But there's my idea!

-Merrill

p.s. Lyds advertised you on her blog so that's why I'm here. If you were wondering :D

p.s.2. I LOVE Jak's name ideas! Good job Becca!